How can he be so grown?

My son Ty will be graduation from high school in a matter of days. It just boggles my mind to realize that that tiny little guy is now a big strapping young man. He is free to make his life what ever he chooses now, I don't get to tell him what to do any more. I know I have so much left to teach him and he is a long ways a way from being "on his own" but now he is a man. He has to act and do things as a man, he can no longer just be my baby boy. I am so very excited for him, I know he has the ability to do great things, and I am so very very sad, because my baby is a baby no more.

Learning to let him go is going to be the hardest thing I will ever do.

He received his awards (actor of the year and Thespian of the year), attended his formal dances and tested all of his test.  All that is left is for him to walk across the stage in his cap and gown... sigh. I miss the little guy who used to crawl into my bed for stories and tickles.

Dealing

Sometimes when dealing with stuff we tune ourselves out of the world. We forget that part of life is living it. We stay holed up in ourselves and never bother thinking about anything but what we feel. I am having a very hard time dealing with the fact that my daughter has been diagnosed with Lupus. I had no idea when it was diagnosed what a big deal it was. But the facts are that Lupus kills. It destroys the body and there is no cure. It can be maintained and flares can be infrequent... unfortunate it is not even predictable. You can not say, oh yours is not that serious, because this or that is not involved. The truth of the matter is that in three hours time that could be involved, and if not caught in time you can be dead in a week, or a day, or a month... I mean how do you keep something from attacking you when it is you that is attacking you?

The nicest way of explaining Lupus is that a person develops an allergy, unfortunately the are now allergic to themselves... seriously... compare it to going into aniphylactic  shock cause you smelled your toe...

How am I going to deal with the fact that my baby girl can go off to school in the morning and be in ICU that night everyday of my life? It is not going to be easy... every day will be day by day. Yes I still have my daughter and so many people don't have their child, and I can not make her live in a glass bubble and I have to make her life as normal as possible, and I am trying.

I don't know how we are going to pay for all the crap we have to pay for Dr.s, medicines, hospitals... and what about when she is older and not on our insurance, how will she be able to afford what she needs... what about work and education, can I really send her off to some school, and not know see if she is running a fever at night, or if she has taken her meds... I really could use the winning Lotto ticket right now...guess I should play...
guess I will post my jumbled thoughts now...

my kids

My kids... CB and Ty.
Ty is a senior in High School he will be graduating in a month... if he can get his Chem grade up... He is going to be going to film school, and make movies!
CB is going to be starting as a freshman next year, she wants to be forensic anthropologist.... and well frankly we have a crappy school system so she is starting home schooling next year...

Both of my kids have had to work very hard at school, they are both Dyslexic and full of imagination, they can spend hours coming up with stories and cracking their Dad and I up. I am very proud of my kids, they are the one thing in my life that I know I am doing right, they will be good people in a world full of not so good people, but we have to start somewhere!

Welcome to my blog

Welcome
So this is me writing about pretty much anything I can think of...  today is May 2nd 2011, yesterday it was announced that Osama bin Lauden has been apprehended... I just don't know how I feel about that... I mean I am sooo very happy that he is no longer a threat to the world, and I know he was going to have to be killed to stop him... but is it alright to be happy that someone was shot in the head, it just does not feel natural. I am grateful that he is gone and I will not morn him but I find it all very distasteful.

My kids expressed it best. Wow it seems like my whole life he has been "the bad guy" so I wonder who the new boogie man will be? My kids are 19 and (almost)15.... so yeah he has been the boogie man for most of their lives.

About me... I am a Mom, a Wife, and mostly confused about the world... I hope to try to exspress my opinions and confusion here... we will see.