Friendship Quotas by Race?

Friendship Quotas by Race?

I was watching the TV show "The New Normal" in the episode one of the issues (because it specializes in multiple drama issues) was how we seem to get stuck in a rut when it comes to who our friends are. In this episode the problem was that the white liberal gay couple did not actually have any black friends.
Honestly I don't have any either. It took me a little while to figure out that I didn't , I tend to not really store race information, I recently lost a bet with my son about the fact that our P.A. at the Dr.s' office was a black , my son bet me I could not describe what she looked like...I could not even get her race....I do have a niece that I have only met once who is black (in all fairness I don't control that), I also have Mexican nieces and nephews, cousins, even a cousin who adopted a Chinese boy about a year ago. (Yes they were expecting a girl, and yes it was a surprise.) so it is not like my family is a bunch of white supremacist. I just don't seem to have any black friends.
In all fairness I don't actually have that many people that I call friend. I am a bit of an isolationist when it comes to my own peer group. I don't enjoy the drama, manipulation and often one sided effort that goes into friendship building. The friends I do have I have had for years granted some of them live on the other side of the country and many in other states, because as we have grown up and or just older our lives have moved us around.
It is not that I have not "ever" had black friends, It just seems that they don't "stick". My children have black friends, and they are always at our house, I have met their parents but they don't seem overly fond of the idea of becoming friends with or socializing with their children's friends parents... or that could just be that I am not the kind of person people really want to socialize with.
Perhaps my real issue is not that I don't have any black friends, or the fact that I don't really seem to have all that many friends, it is the fact that I refuse to compromise on the value of friendship. I don't want a friend just because society tells me I am not a good person just because I don't have a black friend, I also don't have a compost pile... it has just never been something that the timing has been right on.
I would welcome a new friend in my life, I don't care if they are black, Asian, Mexican, Middle Eastern or Native American... I only really have one quality I just can not back off on when it comes to a friend, integrity.
I don't solve my friends problems, I don't lend money (I also don't borrow) and I don't even want to hear about all of the drama, but a little silly gossip is okay. That maybe why I don't have all that many friends, but the few friends I do have are rather good ones.
So maybe I don't have a black friend, I do have black acquaintances. People I know by name and who know me by name, people who I talk to on a regular basis when I see them in the store or out on the street, parents of my children's friends and co-workers. Some people would call these people my friends, I just see a difference between acquaintance and friend, co-worker and friend...am I wrong?
So in all honesty pull out your friend book in your head, set aside the acquaintances and just place your real friends how many friends do you have that are outside your race? If your black how many white friends do you have that you would really call friend? Mexicans how many Asians? Just mix it up and see where you stand.
Perhaps it is more than a quota of friends we should worry about and more about learning to explain our differences and enjoying those differences to each other, rather than taking offense when someone does not already know. I am not going to run out and force myself on black people to make a new friend just so I have the proper quota of black friends, but if someone that I mesh with well who happens to be black comes along, by all mean I will up my quota, but I have not consciously picked my friends by their race up to this point I won't start consciously doing it now. I think that would be rather racist... don't you?

This Years Politics are Driving Me Nuts!

I guess you would call me a liberal. I am definitely not right wing in any shape or form. I believe in helping the poor and the needy. I believe in birth control. I believe that women have the right to choose if abortion is right for them or not. I don't believe that life starts at conception I think it has more to do with the heart beat or brain waves or maybe being able to survive outside the womb, but in all honesty I think the choices you make are between you and God so no one has the right to make your medical choices about your body for you but you with the help of your doctor.

I get mad when I hear that planned parenthood is under attack because they give honest information about abortion... contrary to popular republican belief government money does not pay for any abortions. According to all planned parenthood data only around 3 to 5% of all their services even involve abortions. Most of their services involve prenatal care, birth control, std screening and treatment, and cancer screening and prevention, for low income women. With out their services our country could see a sharp increase in everything from unplanned pregnancies to abortion rates and std cases. Our rate of medicaid and food stamp participation would increase exponentially... and all the Republican party can think about is, 'abortion bad'... never the whole picture.

The whole picture is ugly, poor people would just have more babies and raise them on medicaid and food stamps, or die from back alley abortions. The rich will just go to private clinics or overseas trips for abortions the same as they do now. Outlawing abortions will only hurt the poor, because the rich will still do what they have always done, avoid the embarrassment of the unacceptable.

Of course there is also the talk of getting rid of or cutting back the welfare programs, really? So the plan is to cause somewhere in the range of an average of 700,000 more children to be born every year then make sure there is no way for them to eat, have medical care or be educated... so what we should put them in little military training facilities like in the movie Universal Soldier...well the Republicans do need something to spend all that military money on...

The Republicans want tax cuts for the rich that would be paid for by tax increases on the poor... WTF is that about? What the Republicans are not willing to face is the simple truth of the mater and are hiding behind with all there I hate women and racist tea party logic... the corporations are killing America!

There is one simple economic truth we all learn in high school economics: For an economy to survive and grow the money made in the economy must be reinvested into the economy, or it will not prosper. The corporations are not reinvesting in the American economy they are investing in other economies, like China, and India and then expecting America to purchase the products... America is not producing anything and is now becoming unable to purchase and now the corporations are acting like they have done nothing wrong by taking all the money out of the economy and not putting anything back into it.

The Republicans don't want to face the fact that they are going to have to either convince the corporations to voluntarily reinvest in America or force them to do it with legislation... other wise we are sadly headed to some sort of nasty revolution...not that I advocate that...but that is just what historically happens in this sort of situation...

So that is some of my thoughts on a little of this election cycle... believe me I have soo many more...

The Oldest... Love is Thicker

Oh yes about that other one...

Looking over the last posts I see I never got around to introducing my other child... Oops. See what happens when you grow up and move far away from home... we just forget all about you! 

Our oldest who from the previous post you can see recently got married, to her long time mate and father of her two children, Stephen. Barb came to our family around the age of 12 through very chaotic circumstance. We love her just as if she came in the usual manner... course it is nice to have never had to change her diapers or all that other icky stuff that comes with babies!

Barb came into our world about the same time that the Lion king came out on VHS... shortly after we were all sick of the movie, she had the entire sound track memorized (she actually has an amazing singing voice), to this day I think she can still sing "Can't wait to be king" at the drop of a hat! Many other movies and sound tracks followed I still shudder when anyone mentions "Titanic".

I am very proud of Barb, she has come a long way in her life. When she first entered my life she was a very broken child with a tendency to get hurt often (broken bones, stitches and scrapes and bruises), she also tended to be sick often, with headaches and stomach upsets, sore throats and ear aches. After a time those things went away, I don't know if she just stopped being clumsy and her immune system kicked in, or if she finally felt like someone actually cared enough to pay attention to her when she was feeling good so who wants to be sick... maybe she just got tough? Like I said I don't know... We just loved her.

She works with animals, veterinary work. I never knew that when she was 16 and I suggested she try the vet clinic for a job that she would make a career out of it. She has, and good thing too, I just read the other day that it is one of the rising jobs in the market today! What can I say I just must be psychic! Okay probably not but let me have my pretend super powers it make me feel better about myself.

Barb and her family have moved about a gazillion miles away, and are living out their dreams in Colorado. She is a wonderful mother and works very hard at everything she does, let us all pray she never decides she want to be an evil dictator and take over the world! I have all belief that she would be able to do that if it were something she felt she needed to do! I may not agree with everything she does (but honestly am I suppose to?) but I believe in her, I am proud of her and love her dearly.

She once asked me how can you say you love me just like you do the other kids... I told her I don't love her the same, nor do I love each of them the same as the other or as you... she said but you love them more right... I said no just differently because you are all different people, but your all my kids... she said but they are your real kids... I said you have heard the saying blood is thicker than water... she shook her head yes with tear on her little face, she wanted so much to be more than she thought she was... I said, well I have a bit to add to that love baby girl, love is thicker than blood... you remember that okay? Then Garth Brooks came out with that song... it was kind of creepy but it became our family song in a way...

Lifes Been Hectic and I Forgot the Blog

It is over a year from my last blog entry!

The time from my last blog entry has been rather extreme, I have been busy with my family, and school. We have had a rather busy year this last year or how ever long.
We have had all the usual occurrences of birthdays and anniversaries, we have had a milestone or two

My youngest turned 16!

My grandson is growing ...

thrown in just to keep things interesting.
My son has completed his first year of college. My youngest her first year of high school. My oldest has gotten married. My grand children are talking on the phone now.

My granddaughter is growing...

Evidently the oldest one is even potty training????

My oldest finally tied the knot!

Yeah not really my cup of tea any more either... I guess when my kids were little I probably talked about potty training with my mother... I am hoping I did not make her wish she had not called! I realize that it is an important milestone and all but honestly all I remember about it was that we finally just striped the boy down and said the toilet is that way run for it when you see pee! The youngest just trained herself! The oldest came trained when we got her at 12 so... never an issue with these silly pull ups and things seems like if a kid never gets uncomfortable they have no reason to get potty trained... but that is just my opinion and I am old school now... as I have been informed.

My youngest is 16 now she is learning to drive... I am not sure how cool I am with this. I have taught all of the kids to drive... the boy hates driving and he rarely drives so I have not had to worry very much. This one oh no this one wants to drive... I AM TERRIFIED! I will write more to up
date more soon, no plans to leave it for another year... but my ADD could rear its head... hmm hope not tho!

How can he be so grown?

My son Ty will be graduation from high school in a matter of days. It just boggles my mind to realize that that tiny little guy is now a big strapping young man. He is free to make his life what ever he chooses now, I don't get to tell him what to do any more. I know I have so much left to teach him and he is a long ways a way from being "on his own" but now he is a man. He has to act and do things as a man, he can no longer just be my baby boy. I am so very excited for him, I know he has the ability to do great things, and I am so very very sad, because my baby is a baby no more.

Learning to let him go is going to be the hardest thing I will ever do.

He received his awards (actor of the year and Thespian of the year), attended his formal dances and tested all of his test.  All that is left is for him to walk across the stage in his cap and gown... sigh. I miss the little guy who used to crawl into my bed for stories and tickles.

Dealing

Sometimes when dealing with stuff we tune ourselves out of the world. We forget that part of life is living it. We stay holed up in ourselves and never bother thinking about anything but what we feel. I am having a very hard time dealing with the fact that my daughter has been diagnosed with Lupus. I had no idea when it was diagnosed what a big deal it was. But the facts are that Lupus kills. It destroys the body and there is no cure. It can be maintained and flares can be infrequent... unfortunate it is not even predictable. You can not say, oh yours is not that serious, because this or that is not involved. The truth of the matter is that in three hours time that could be involved, and if not caught in time you can be dead in a week, or a day, or a month... I mean how do you keep something from attacking you when it is you that is attacking you?

The nicest way of explaining Lupus is that a person develops an allergy, unfortunately the are now allergic to themselves... seriously... compare it to going into aniphylactic  shock cause you smelled your toe...

How am I going to deal with the fact that my baby girl can go off to school in the morning and be in ICU that night everyday of my life? It is not going to be easy... every day will be day by day. Yes I still have my daughter and so many people don't have their child, and I can not make her live in a glass bubble and I have to make her life as normal as possible, and I am trying.

I don't know how we are going to pay for all the crap we have to pay for Dr.s, medicines, hospitals... and what about when she is older and not on our insurance, how will she be able to afford what she needs... what about work and education, can I really send her off to some school, and not know see if she is running a fever at night, or if she has taken her meds... I really could use the winning Lotto ticket right now...guess I should play...
guess I will post my jumbled thoughts now...

my kids

My kids... CB and Ty.
Ty is a senior in High School he will be graduating in a month... if he can get his Chem grade up... He is going to be going to film school, and make movies!
CB is going to be starting as a freshman next year, she wants to be forensic anthropologist.... and well frankly we have a crappy school system so she is starting home schooling next year...

Both of my kids have had to work very hard at school, they are both Dyslexic and full of imagination, they can spend hours coming up with stories and cracking their Dad and I up. I am very proud of my kids, they are the one thing in my life that I know I am doing right, they will be good people in a world full of not so good people, but we have to start somewhere!